i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
