Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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