I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
