Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
