dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just had sex bonerless
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
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