i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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