i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
