She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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