that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
