i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
