my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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