You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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