Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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