Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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