I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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