Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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