I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
