final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
