As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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