I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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