the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
