she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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