I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Michael Bay diarrhea
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
