yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my sisters under your porch take her home
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
