This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
