Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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