It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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