so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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