SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We had to coat check the pizza.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
