I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
