I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
