The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
