his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Never joke about your clitoris.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
