you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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