Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
