I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
