I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
