Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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