mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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