Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
