They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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