if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
