1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
