haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
