OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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