I wish you could order shots online.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
