so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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