I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
