Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I love having hate sex.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
