he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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