I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
