fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
