Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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