My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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